First off… I READ AGAIN!!! YAY! As indicated in my last review…I read PAINFULLY slow, but this one I just BREEZED through!
How to speak Zombie, A Guide for the Living is by Steve Mockus and Illustrations by Travis Millard and someone tried to tell me this is a kids book…pffft. Zombies are for adults! Besides, I don’t read kids books…
Here is the description: “In a world overtaken by zombies, the only hope for survival lies in learning the language of the undead. How to Speak Zombie demonstrates how to blend in and avoid being eaten while carrying on with everyday activities like ordering a latte from a zombarista and shopping at a zombie-infested mall. This essential guide features an electronic sound module that demonstrates proper zombie pronunciation (‘RAHHHhh!’), helpful text that explores the customs and etiquette of the zombie world, and detailed illustrations that show the undead doing everything from pumping iron to dancing the night away. Deeply informative, this handbook also includes an all-purpose BRAINS button that can be used in any situation, deadly or otherwise.”
Kids book… my ass! It’s like a survival guide! I GUESS your kids might like it… I liked it… and it makes noises so it’s like TV …but slower.
Listen, I don’t care what you say- I liked this book, and it was fun and I’m gonna enjoy pressing the ‘BRAINS’ button a lot…kids book or no!
Again…I have no book rating scale, but I’d go for 4.5 out of 5 … just because I found it short, then again I probably just wanted more cause it was funny.
One Bloody Thing After Another
Joey Comeau
ECW Press
Synopsis:
Jackie is a young teenager with a violent temper and is haunted by the ghost of her dead mother. She has a crush on her best friend Ann. Ann has issues of her own as she struggles with school, her friendship with Jackie and her zombie mom. Then their is the stoic old man Charlie with his stupid dog Mitchie and his own ghost of a girl with a severed head. Eventually each character’s lives interconnect in disturbing ways.
One Bloody Thing After Another is a quick read at only 165 pages, …and I was happy about that. I was given this book by some lovely ladies from ECW press at a convention I attended. They were so pleasant and nice to deal with that I really wanted to like this book. After having read it I just cannot give this one a good review. The ‘one bloody thing after another’ turned out to be the pages while reading this confused mess.
Is it a lesbian love story? Is it coming of age story? Is it a ghost story? Is it a zombie story? Is it about family ties that bind? Or is it just about a man and his dog? Full of absurd plot twists, random story arcs and characters that weren’t developed enough for you to be interested in. I found this novel to be odd at best, boring at worst. Some parts were well written and other parts were …WTF? It did have its moments of dark humor though and a few disturbing scenes involving kittens and zombies, just not enough of them to make this a good experience for me. At least ‘any press is good press’…
I give this 1 bloody eyeball martini out of 5
I’m ‘the ZombieQueen’ ant this review is dead…and BURIED!
Patient Zero: A Joe Ledger Novel by Jonathan Maberry
Yeah… you read that right. It’s me, ‘the Zombieking’… getting ‘all up in the Zombiequeen’s business’ (hehehehe) no, not that way- I’m kinda playing in her sandbox by doing a review in the ‘Well read Undead’ section, but I had to tell you all about this book ‘Patient Zero’.
Why me? Well, I bought this book a while ago- and I read PAINFULLY slow… but not in this case. Let me start at the beginning: The book came out March 2009 – which is probably when I bought it, and it sat on my shelf of ‘Stuff to read eventually’ while the Zombiequeen and I developed the plan to add a book review section to the site. Truth be told- I wasn’t sure if we would be able to pull it off initially with getting things read in time for release, contacting publishers- all that crap. Then I realized that we’d just do what got us to the dance in the first place… We’d read whatever the fuck we wanted and review honestly whether or not the book was new. Once we settled on that idea, I went about contacting publishers and authors to get content for the site. That’s when I contacted Mr. Maberry. I decided to read ‘Patient Zero’ figuring that it didn’t really matter how long it took me to finish it. Well FUCK if this isn’t a captivating read- I’ve been putting in more reading time this past week than I have in the past few years!
I ‘hate’ Jonathan Maberry SO much, that I wrote him an e-mail, here is an excerpt:
Dear Jonathan:
I’d like to open this e-mail up with this: I really dislike you… but wait! Before you delete this thinking I’m some kind of ‘internut’ , lemme tell you why…
I wrote to you (Previously)…causally mentioning amongst other things that I had JUST begun your book ‘Patient Zero’ by …well- you. If you have looked at the site, you would see that I am …uh… ‘brutally honest’ so I felt the need to write to you today…
I actually did begin the book that day…
Here is the crux of the matter… I CAN’T PUT IT DOWN! I am a notoriously slow reader (which is why the ZombieQueen does the book reviews), I like to revisit my books like old friends… with infrequent visits, perhaps over coffee… but over the last week I have been reading whenever I have a spare second! I am DIGGING THE SHIT out of Joe Ledger! YOU ARE COSTING ME SLEEP!!! And that, my good man, is why I now dislike you.
I am looking forward to disliking you and your books for years to come. Aw, who am I kidding, I never sleep anyway…
——————
So, while I now earn me the title of ‘Undead internet stalker’ (not really- he got that it was a joke mail, and informed me that ‘Sleep was for the weak’ anyway)- I will tell you about the book: It’s fucking great… I have even begun the second in the series already (The Dragon Factory)
‘Patient Zero’ is really unique, it has a story that has a very ‘real world’ feel to it, combining Zombies with terrorism, and making a pretty believable scenario into a really ‘creepy as fuck’ read. It has action, intrigue, a likable cast of characters…and ZOMBIES! While I hate giving a spoiler review… it IS a Joe Ledger series, so Joe does survive…but boy oh boy is it a roller coaster. I rarely review books… but this one kicked me in the balls (metaphorically) and demanded my attention. That’s a rarity, as I can usually be distracted by jingling keys… If you see this book, BUY IT… or just order it below. It’s worth it- trust me.
I don’t drink those creepy eyeball martinis’s (they keep…LOOKING at me!)… But I would give this one 5/5 if I did.
Now… here is a picture of Jonathan Maberry all ‘zombified’ by Zombieinfo.com alum Rob Sacchetto!
Night of the Living Trekkies
Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall
Quirk Books 2010
Synopsis:
Jim Pike was the world’s biggest Star Trek fan—until two tours of duty in Afghanistan destroyed his faith in the human race. Now he sleepwalks through life as the assistant manager of a small hotel in downtown Houston.
But when hundreds of Trekkies arrive in his lobby for a science-fiction convention, Jim finds himself surrounded by costumed Klingons, Vulcans, and Ferengi—plus a strange virus that transforms its carriers into savage, flesh-eating zombies!
As bloody corpses stumble to life and the planet teeters on the brink of total apocalypse, Jim must deliver a ragtag crew of fanboys and fangirls to safety. Dressed in homemade uniforms and armed with prop phasers, their prime directive is to survive. But how long can they last in the ultimate no-win scenario?
Review:
I picked up this book just because the cover and title made me laugh. I am glad I spent the money on it! Great cast of characters – Jim Pike (really?) as the leader of a ragtag group of costume clad convention attendees including a Princess Leia who quotes Star Wars films whenever she gets nervous and a Red Shirt named Willy Makit whose worried about his chances of survival. And of course, there’s the zombies -the usual undead shuffling suspects but with a twist. The characters are placed in what may seem an unreal situation to the outside world but anyone who has ever attended a fan convention will get a laugh even if you are not a die hard Trekkie/er. It may not be for Zombie purists but if you want a break from gloomy-doomy dark horror this is a great read.
Full of great humor and Sci-fi/ convention culture references Night of the Living Trekkies fuses the genres together into a fun fast-paced space zombie butt-kicking adventure! I give this one 5 out of 5 bloody eyeball martinis.
I’m ‘the ZombieQueen’ ant this review is dead…and BURIED!
Zombieking interjects: Man, the Zombiequeen couldn’t put this book down… She (like me) were appalled by the comparison of this book to the ‘twilight’ series but she seems to have really taken to this, and since I am already well aware of her hatred for the overly syrupy, heart choking pablum that has pervaded the Vampire genre of late… I was pretty surprised that this book got such a good review. Maybe I should read it (that’ll take me months…that’s why SHE does the book stuff HA!) It’s obviously good enough to cut through her ‘crap radar’ (and she certainly needs a crap radar to deal with the king…) so check out her review below!
Warm Bodies – Isaac Marion
UK release date – October 2010
U.S. release date – March 2011
Synopsis:
“R” is a zombie who can’t remember his full name or who he was but somehow has visions or dreams of normal life. One day while out hunting for living victims in the ruins of the city, he eats a human and gains his victim’s memories. Because of these flashes of memory he allows the victim’s girlfriend, Julie, to live and he takes her back to his zombie compound where he attempts to hide her existence from his fellow zombies. As the relationship between Julie and R grows he becomes more self-aware and starts evolving into something more than a zombie.
Okay, I have to admit that when I heard about this book I thought – “Zombie romance, WTF?” But I did give this book a chance and was totally sucked in by this well written story with a great zombie anti-hero.
Warm Bodies is a freakin’ fun romp through a post zombpocalyptic world gone wrong where the living dead seem to be more alive than the humans who are holed up in there city made of salvage. Peppered with zombie carnage, social commentary, wise-cracking humor and a mild romance this is a great first effort by Isaac Marion.
I give Warm Bodies 5 out of 5 bloody eyeball martinis!
I am the ZombieQueen and this topic is dead…and BURIED!
