Been a while since I did a rant, and while I would classify this more as an ‘informative reality check’ … there’s swearing etc in it.  so I guess I’ll file it as a ‘rant’.

Here’s the disclaimer:

Disclaimer: This is intended as my opinion only, if you disagree…I don’t care.  In fact I care less than that, but there is no way to properly articulate this in English or any other known language.  There may be harsh language and direct opinion that will clash with your own…please see the previous notation. (The one where I don’t care…)   If you still wish to proceed, do so at your own risk, otherwise- Piss off.

Ok, so let’s assume that Z-Day has happened, and you and some other people are holed up somewhere.  We will assume it’s a Mall since everyone already knows this situation…

How does your life change?  Well it depends, what skills do you bring to the table from your pre-Z-Day life?  If you were a technical worker…I’m not guessing too much since the internet and much of the worlds computer systems will die off soon after the initial outbreak- at best you can gather info before the full impact, but after that- you’re screwed.  Were you a road worker? Not too many roads to build NOW are there?  Now… if you were a Doctor, well you’ve got it made, or a Military or Police officer with weapon skills, a Hairdresser even brings something useful to the table (although I think I’d just shave mine off: zombies can’t grab bald).

If you don’t have any ‘real skills’ you better be hot and willing to do that thing with your tongue (NSFW link)… you know the one.  You better HOPE that someone with some skills will take care of you and you better start learning some quick: otherwise the zombies are gonna do that OTHER thing… with their teeth.   So if you have no work skills you can contribute…what about your hobbies?  I (for example) love to cook…especially BBQ.  Since fire won’t really go away it looks like I have a niche.  (that… and my OBVIOUS skills in being AWESOME).

Obviously everyone who is around in your mall needs to pool their knowledge and skills, so that might be a change in your life if you are used to working alone, or just hate being around dumb asses.  With no real ‘Law’ it will be hard to not just shoot somebody for being stupid, I know I have that issue now… but think about it: There are NO police anymore, just a basic ‘Don’t Be a Dick’ kind of underlying overall attitude.  I can safely say that if someone shows up in MY mall, all hysterical and freaking out saying dumb ass shit like “What are those things?”  and “God is punishing us!”  …I’m going on a killing spree.  Oh yeah, I’m not gonna put up with that kind of crap at all.  I can’t fix stupid so I’d rather stupid not take a portion of my scavenged food.  Even IF it does that thing with its tongue.  Yeah, you know the one.

Day to day life will obviously be different, unless you are scavenging outside the mall; you will most likely be checking the security of your living space, or learning new skills from the others.  The biggest factor in all of this is that ‘post Z-day’… we aren’t the top of the food chain anymore.  The average person’s life is pretty typical: Get up, live life, go to sleep.  After Z-day, since we are no longer the top of the food chain… it’s get up, live life while trying to avoid getting eaten, go to sleep.  It’s still pretty basic, but with a twist.  And hey, what IF the zompocalypse actually affects the animal kingdom?  We drop even farther down the food chain, I see it like this:

1- Zombies

2- Zombie Sharks/Killer whales (especially if they have laserbeams – see below)

3- Zombie larger land mammals, yeah even the cows… Imagine the irony when the steak eats YOU!

4- Man.

5- Like… fish and birds and crap…

6- Bugs.

7- Vegetarians (They’re grain fed, so they’re food!)  You KNOW those fuckers will be cheering the Zombie cows on.

8- Carrot Top- yeah, even Zombies won’t touch him.

Now, I’m not suggesting you go all ‘survival camp training’ now… but it might not be a bad idea to have an idea of what to do if crap goes south.  I’m just sayin… the Boy Scouts might have been right: Be Prepared.  And stay away from my mall…especially YOU Carrot Top, you freak me the fuck out!

I’m the Zombieking… and this topic is not DEAD to me!

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